Knitwear or Shitwear ?

OH LOVELY JUBBLY... KNITTED BOLLOCKS...JUST WHAT I WANTED FOR THE KIDS TO PLAY WITH AT CHRISTMAS..OH AND THE LITTLE PENIS HAS A WARM HAT ON TOO...ah bless how cute
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I WAS JUST STEALING THIS ELEPHANTS SCARF WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY TROD IN ITS SHIT
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 I SAW YOU IN CAMOUFLAGE CLASS AGAIN TODAY ! ..... you bad knitter... try again

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OH FUG OFF...I can't even be bothered with this dappy tart, definately something to do on wet weekend with a smelly old rug rather than take it to the council tip.
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I know, lets spend hours and hours wasting tons of really expensive shitty vile wool knitting a lumping great fat woman a pair of tights so she can look like the fugging great blue creature from monsters.inc...

OH GOODIE...a matching fugging jumper to hide Tracy the fat cow's double chin because she's so embarrassed about modeling the revolting knitwear her husbands wanking off over whist fumbling through readers wives in their tasteful bungalow.... and why hasn't the patterns creator been executed by having knitting needles shoved up her arse ? COME FORTH & BE IDENTIFIED YOU FUGHEAD